What Should I Tell My Daughter During Games?

I see the pain in parents’ eyes. Their daughter is finally getting her chance to pitch and she’s throwing ball after ball, nowhere near strike zone. They wonder how this can be...in practice yesterday she pitched great! In last week’s game she seemed to be more accurate. There must be something wrong with her mechanics, they think. 

What can parents say to help a pitcher throw more strikes during a game, especially when they know she is capable of it?

First, sometimes parents get the last part of this concept wrong. Here is a blog I wrote to help you & her decipher objectively what she is capable of at any given moment. Once this is sorted out, most of the stress goes away for everyone. Improper expectations is the largest source, in my opinion, of disappointment, anger, and failure during performances.

Second, the answer is nothing. Mechanics are executed as a result of practice over time. There is nothing parents can say to help a pitcher develop mechanics she has not yet. There are coaches present who’s specific job is to yell out things during a game. If you have developed a few code words with your daughter that you have found somehow actually get her head in it better, as opposed to her mechanics, consider looping the coach in on your plan. 

Whether or not you think her coach is the best-ever, you have entrusted her with her job by adding your daughter to the team. Consider letting go, and perhaps making the best use of the portable coolers you just brought with the “adult” beverages inside. 

Lets not diminish your role, however. Your game-day job is extremely important. On the car ride home, you get to help her filter what happened in the game and keep her encouraged enough to come back another day.

Even so, you think, there has to be something someone can say to help players in a game. I know you just won’t let this go, so I’ll give you some ideas.

The best idea I’ve ever heard is to ask you daughter, “How do you want me to be?”  from Coach Traub, a Sports Psychologist. 

When I played in games I liked it when my parents cheered for the whole team in general, but it embarrassed me if I was singled out. I knew they didn’t know much about pitching so I’d get irritated if they yelled out mechanics. As a teenager, the way I told them my preference was by yelling back at them. Unfortunately, that didn’t go over well.

My students are getting better at understanding how they operate best. One pitcher asks her dad to stand in the outfield. Another likes when her mom claps and cheers a lot. Many girls who have a parent as a coach have impressively and gracefully worked out a wonderful relationship where softball strengthens their bond.

In general, my suggestion is to make no comments at all. Understand that unless you are a coach you have no control over what is happening during a game. Just be there and cheer for the good plays. 

However, if you are in agreement with your daughter about what comments help and what don’t, if you shout out “throw full effort” and she says it helps her, then go ahead. 

If you have trouble not interjecting yourself like I do and are trying to cut back, keeping special pitcher stats for is and excellent way to tangibly help the team. 

Game Evaluation Sheet - HERE
Mental Toughness Evaluation Sheet - HERE