Winning and Learning: How to Transform Your Losing Mindset
/Do you hate to lose more than you love to win?
As we are smack dab in the middle of the NCAA collegiate season here in 2021, I’m sure many of you have had occasion to watch some of the outstanding matchups in D1 softball on ESPN or maybe even the Big 10 Network.
Preliminarily, before I dive into the main topic at hand, I want to point out the fact that there are numerous games on television multiple times a week broadcasting softball on ESPN and individual conference networks. This in and of itself is an astronomical win for our sport. I know many of you have grown up in this TV era where our great game of softball has earned its rightful place among spring sports that are regularly televised. However, this is still a relatively new phenomenon, barely two decades old. I didn’t grow up watching our sport on TV as you are able to do. I didn’t get to watch an icon at work, imagining myself in her place one day. And to see that all of you are now able to do just that is the greatest win for fast-pitch softball that I could have hoped for. It is also much of the reason why we continue to grow at the youth level at exponential rates. I’m so proud to be with you in this great community, and I hope you feel the same way.
Yeah, Softball! Let’s keep up the great work!
And that leads me into my next topic: the desire to win. Anyone who is deemed a competitor has a strong desire to win. The thrill of the competition itself, along with the opportunity to take down an opponent when game time rolls around, creates joy for millions around the globe.
But do you love to win more than you hate to lose?
I find this a very interesting and important topic to consider as you progress through your playing season. Most athletes will admit that they love to win AND they hate to lose. But which of those feelings are dominant for you? And why does it matter?
I would argue that it does in fact matter, and a healthy mindset around this debate will probably be important to consider based on your age and years of experience. The younger you are - the more winning should be seen as the opportunity to play and grow your skills within the sport.
However, the older you get and the longer you play, winning and losing each game can consume your joys and frustrations. Is this healthy? When is it not?
There is no doubt that the pain of losing can propel a competitor to positive ends: training hard in the off season being one of them. Competitors will work extra hard after a burning loss in order to earn an opportunity for redemption against a particular opponent or to avoid the agony of such a defeat again. Regardless of one’s reasons, the “will” to train hard and commit to the process of self-improvement during the off-season is a show of resilience and steadfast resolve. These are lifelong character traits worth possessing. So in this way, “remembering” the loss can be healthy and growth-oriented.
However, the disdain of “losing” must remain in perspective. Working hard to achieve success is obviously a great quality. But to become a poor sport, to dwell too long in a sour moment, to deprecate one’s opponent, or especially to believe that one’s self worth is tied to an athletic pitfall is detrimental. When the scale has tipped from embracing the positive lessons provided through athletic competition to embodying the destructive behaviors that cause harm to others, perspective has been lost. We can see these behaviors manifest in the competitor herself, the winning-obsessed coach, or the outcome-focused parent. And it’s not a good look on anyone.
Ultimately, the mindset we possess in sport is each person’s greatest weapon. Taking on the perspective that you can “win or learn” instead of “win or lose” will allow the joy of sport to permeate beyond the final score. Being excited about a successful outcome (winning) or being excited to work hard to improve for next time (learning) will allow you to win even when you lose. You will be happier with this attitude and so will the people around you. Commitment to growth coupled with optimism is a very powerful duo. And it will also provide a tremendous life skill that can be carried into your relationships and careers beyond sport.
At the end of the day, we can persevere and forge ahead or be stuck in a moment that we cannot change. And if this pandemic has taught me anything personally, it is that success comes in many forms; it is the driving will to succeed, a resilient attitude, and an openness to adaptability that can bring rays of sunshine through even the cloudiest of days.
