Perfectionism: What No One Is Talking About

I heard when you go into a job interview, you should tell the boss that your biggest flaw is perfectionism, since it's not really a flaw. As a former pitcher and a current coach, I know for a fact it's a flaw and playing sports can help you overcome it.

I think the pitching position is a bit of a draw for perfectionistic people. While I doubt any pitcher can be a total perfectionist, since they'd definitely quit after one week of trying it out (you know about the grounders and hit batters and all), I think this is a subject that deserves some attention. Please remember, I have quite a few of these qualities so I'm writing out of an affinity with my fellow pitchers.

According to Oxford English Dictionary, a perfectionist is "a person who refuses to accept any standard short of perfection." Isn't it annoying when they use the word in the definition? Nevertheless, as I'll discuss below this definition is helpful after all. I added a little more context with information in the Harvard Business Review from an article called "How to Manage Your Perfectionism." I paraphrased the article below.

Due to the insecurities of own insecurities, perfectionists believe anything less than the outcome they believe to be desirable says that they are a loser or a failure. Since a perfectionist cannot accept this self-designation, she changes her behaviors to her own detriment.

Lets break this down.

If I can't accept reality or perceived reality, what do I do? What happens to perfectionists when they see they aren't going to reach their own high expectations of themselves?

1. She gets emotional if the outside reality and her own reality don't match. This hurts her because she feels trapped. The only thing left to do is panic.  She has a reaction and will start to cry or get angry. She quits.

2. A perfectionist won't try something that she knows she can't achieve. In order to not be deemed a "quitter", which is not a "perfect" thing to do, she don't start new things to discover what she's good and bad at.  Unfortunately, she won't be able to reach her potential and find her natural gifts without doing a search. A search requires failure and if she won't look around, she might end up at the pinnacle of the wrong mountain. Being at the pinnacle feels good, but as good as being at the top of one she wants to be on.

3. She pretends or imagine she was able to accomplish the goal when she didn't. Some people call this denial, some not being self-aware. Some say that it's lying to yourself. They do this by blaming the umpire or her team for her performance. She puts others down and Talks herself up. She thinks she doesn't need to practice or put in hard work because she's already good enough. I'm perfect, in fact. Practicing would be an admission that I need work.

4. Or, she single-mindedly keep going until she gets to the goal, which means she keeps going until she breaks. There is no getting to the goal, since it's an unrealistic goal. "Break" could mean emotional breakdown (see #1), a physical injury from overuse, or a "fake" injury to avoid actually failing. Maybe she neglects the other aspects of sport in order to reach her goal, like teamwork.

What do all of these things have in common? All are done without regard for the journey, learning, or purpose as to why and athlete wants to compete in the first place. A pitcher wants to hit 80% of her spots in a game for a lot of reasons. It's fun and exciting, she likes to strike a lot of people out, she'll get to play more, she want to see how good she can get, she wants her mom and dad to be proud of her, or we might be able to win the championship, etc.

The perfectionist, on the other hand, has only one reason for hitting 80% of the spots, and that's to pitch 100% strikes so she's  not a failure. As much as I have a fondness in my heart for black and white thinking (working on it) I know it's not the way to help me reach my potential or experience joy in the process.

How do we coach perfectionistic athletes?

First, encourage them to play team sports.

Researchers found that participation in a team sport compared to non-sport participation was associated with 10% lower anxious/depressed scores, 19% lower withdrawn/depressed scores, 17% lower social problems scores, 17% lower thought problems scores and 12% lower attention problems scores.

Second, and hopefully only temporarily, only give them things they can succeed at. "Developing Talent in Yong People" suggests guiding perfectionistic athletes  towards super-manageable goals. Hopefully by repeatedly succeeding they will stay in the game longer. Work on the mental - game aspects below during this time. Eventually, you'll be able to challenge her beyond her comfort zone in order to accept failure.  

Since these athletes are so goal oriented and number-oriented, give them controllable, process and team oriented goals. Avoid outcome oriented goals such as number of strikeouts.  They must agree on them as well.

1. Did you do your think/play box every pitch?

2. Did you pick up a teammate by striking the next girl out when she made an error?

3.  Did you do your "gathering routine" after every ball, hit, or walk? A gathering routing is a physical movement you do to get yourself back on track mentally after a mistake.

If I was a parent, my goal will be to structure my post game talks like an AAR. An After Action Review is what the military does after a training events to analyze what happened. They ask the following questions: What was supposed to happen? What did happen? What worked? What didn't work? What would you have done differently? This always leaves room for both the positive and the negatives. We need both! Have constructive pre and post game talks.

Sports is such a phenomenal way to help kids learn an unbelievable amount of life skills. Pitching quickly exposes their weaknesses, their insecurities, and their lack of skill. They are faced with choices, and are then presented with paved path they can follow to overcome them. In real life, we can hide very easily, and paths are not clear. As an adult there might not be a coach to guide them where they want or need to go. This is why it's more than imperative that girls stay in sports for their entire youth - especially the perfectionists. When my pitchers grow up and want to work at Practice Pro, they'll just have to tell me they're perfectionistic in the interview to get hired. At that point I'll know they have pitching experience.